Hey, hello, hi!
Todays blog is something I’m sort of anxious and excited to share because I have felt for such a long time that not enjoying clubbing was wrong and made me sort of abnormal. I’m intrigued to see what sort of response I get and see if, maybe, I’m not as alone in this as I have felt!
Lemme give you a lil backdrop first though…
Prior to Uni I had been clubbing a handful of times, so my real experience with clubbing started in Freshers. On my first night I had a bad experience with somebody taking advantage of me standing alone, waiting for friends, and the night ended in hysterics to my cousin on the phone at 2AM.
I can honestly say, I think that clubbing and I started on the wrong foot.
Me & Alcohol
Another thing to highlight is that it’s not the drinking part that I don’t like.
I love me a glass or two of wine with my Mum on a Friday night, I am a sucker for Malibu and coke and one of my favourite parts of a night-out is the pre-drinks.
Granted, the hangovers are utterly pants.
The pressure to fit in & FOMO
I know clubbing can be fun, some people live to go clubbing, but it’s just not for me, all of the time.
I used to feel a lot of pressure at University to go out clubbing because it was the ‘done thing’. I ended up feeling ashamed of myself for not loving it. Shame over the fact I didn’t like what everyone else liked. There is almost this weird assumption that, if you don’t like what everyone else likes, you’re not cool. Nobody wants to be seen as an outcast, so you go along with it.
I’m also prone to getting a real case of FOMO. Looking back, it sounds so silly, I used to worry that not going out would mean my friends would become better friends with other people and eventually I wouldn’t be invited out at all.
I don’t like drunk people
Plus… I’m not the biggest fan of drunk people…
Putting aside that night at Freshers, I’ve never particularly liked them.
I don’t like people touching me without permission (i.e. bum grabbers, grinders and hair pullers). I don’t like people invading my space… which, to be fair, is hard in a club! I also don’t like how drinking can turn people, I’ve witnessed friends cheat on their partners in clubs or start unnecessary fights – it just makes me really on edge.
Maybe it’s because I’m a little bit ‘mother hen’ like, in the sense that I like to look out for people, so I end up constantly looking over my shoulder or worrying about other people. I find it hard to relax, especially around drunk people.
Of course, not all my nights out have ended badly, in fact I’ve had some great nights out with friends and thought “I should do this more often”.
Here are a bunch of pictures from me going out clubbing – and I’m genuinely happy in all of them.
Clubbing just really pushes me out of my comfort zone and makes me anxious.
The trick to avoiding feeling uncomfortable is to get yo-self a wingman.
Needing a Wingman
Top tip if you feel like I do in a clubbing environment – get yourself a wingman, or wing-woman! I realised early on that clubbing made me anxious, I don’t have anxiety, I just feel on edge the minute I walk into a club.
I often went out with people who had the tendency to wander off, or wanted to hook up, or even got kicked out of clubs – which left me on my own in an environment I wasn’t comfortable in…
That’s when I discovered the beauty of a wingman (sounds a bit like a commercial that). Find yourself someone who won’t ditch you, talk to them about how you feel in the clubbing environment and agree to stick together. That doesn’t have to mean loo runs, drinks and dancing together all night – it just means you automatically feel more relaxed. Someone has your back.
One thing that used to really bother me was that people didn’t notice when I wasn’t there. That night in Freshers – nobody had noticed I had even gone home. That stuck with me, I used to think ‘what if’ then I’d fill in the gap with a scenario – what if I get separated and someone assaults me again? What if I get lost and everyone goes home without me?
So yeah, wingman’s are my best advice for these sort of things. Someone you trust.
Not liking clubbing does not make you uncool…
So yeah, I don’t particularly like clubbing – I much prefer coffee shops, bar crawls, cocktails with the girls or pub nights. That’s just the way I am, I’m happiest when I’m in control and I choose not to put myself in a position where I feel I’m not.
If not liking clubbing makes me uncool, I’m happily uncool.